Behavior Lights and Mealtime Manners Gems

A couple of friends recently asked me to send them some of the strategies we have used with the boys in dealing with unwanted behavior issues. I finally got them written up and took a couple of photos and figured maybe it was a good idea to share them here. :) Maybe they'll help someone else! :)

Behavior "Lights"

This strategy follows the same “traffic light” pattern that is used at school to help children monitor their behavior. It’s simple: the kiddo moves up and down the chart as dictated by his behavior. In our home, only the parents or other adults can touch the light charts or decide if the child moves up or down. If the kids touch the chart, they immediately drop to red.

Moving down the chart is obvious – poor behavior. Give a warning and if the behavior(s) continue, they drop down to the next level.

Moving up the chart can be done either by improved behavior (the child stops the unwanted behavior) or by doing something to “earn” their way back up the chart (such as helping with a chore – taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, etc.) We’ve found that having a “list” or “menu” of chores/jobs to choose from is helpful. 

Here are the privileges/consequences we have for each level:

Green: all good! Friends can come over, can watch TV, play Wii, use the computer, use ipod, play outside. Can have and choose own breakfast, snacks and desserts (within reason). Can go out with family if family goes out. Can also earn $ for doing extra chores or helping out (which on yellow or red would only move them up a level).

Yellow: No computer, no Wii, no playing outside, no friends over. Must stay in the house. Can watch TV but ONLY if someone else is already watching it and they can NOT pick what is watched. Can watch ipod. No choosing breakfast or snacks. No dessert.

Red: No TV, no computer, no Wii, no ipod, no friends, no going out, no snacks, no dessert, no choosing breakfast. No playing outside. Must stay in room.

For our charts, I used colored paper and markers to make the chart and “rules” sheet and then covered them with clear contact paper. To make the chart itself, I used sticky backed Velcro circles so I could move each kid’s “initial” up and down as needed. Then I attached magnets to the back of both the chart and the “rules” list so they can stick to the fridge door, the nerve center of our home.

This is NOT a perfect system but it has definitely helped us by making consequences clear for everyone.




Mealtime Manners "Gems"

We use this strategy in helping reinforce better mealtime manners without us as parents having to constantly address issues. It gives the kids a chance to start internalizing and remembering the rules on their own (and keeps the peace a lot better).


For each kid, we keep a small glass like a shot glass with 5 of the flattened glass marbles they use in decorating and silk flower arrangements, etc. We also have a laminated list of the reasons why gems would be taken posted in the dining room. As “unwanted” behaviors occur, the child loses gems from their glass. Only the adults take the gems out (not other kids) and the kids are responsible for paying attention to why they have lost their gems (adults shouldn’t need to tell them since the reasons should be posted).

Start each meal with 5 gems.
• Need to eat all your dinner and still have 3 gems left to have dessert.
• Need to have at least 1 gem left to have snuggle time.

Reasons why gems can be taken:
• Talking with mouth full
• Whining
• Chewing with mouth open
• Stuffing mouth too full
• Complaining
• Elbows on the table
• Goofing off (gargling, blowing bubbles, spitting, etc.)
• Inappropriate table talk
• Interrupting
• Reaching over others’ plates (not passing)
• Antagonizing (bothering) others
• Knees or feet up by the tabletop
• Leaving without being excused
• Eating with hands (non finger foods)
• Being rude or insensitive to others
• Touching, coughing, breathing, etc. on others’ food
• Or any other disruptive or disrespectful behavior not listed