The Never Ever Land Decision, Part Two

The smile is back!

(this is part two of a previous post on our decision to pull Shaun from his junior high school and enroll him in an online school instead...)

After watching our son completely melt down into panic attacks and depression in the first semester at his junior high, the obvious question for us was “Do we take him out of the school he is in or do we leave him there and keep trying to make it work?”

The whole “doing the same thing expecting different results is the definition of insanity” thing just kept playing over and over and over in my head. I began to lean more towards finding an alternate solution for school rather than just keeping on with what we were doing with minor adjustments. I was realizing that it was more likely time for a major overhaul instead of another tune up.

We were looking for a solution (if it was even possible) that would allow Shaun to capitalize on his strengths. We wanted something that would give him the chance to learn how HE learns best and perhaps begin to build some self-confidence.  If you’ve ever watched your kid give up because they just no longer believe in themselves after they’ve tried and tried and failed and failed, you know how hard you are willing to work to help them find that confidence. We also knew that it wasn’t someone else’s job to hold our kid accountable. It was ours. 

Taking all of this and some other factors into consideration, we started searching available options and hit on the k12 program. I had seen heir TV commercials a few times and checked them out online (www.k12.com). There were several things that we liked about it. First, it could be tailored for Shaun and he would be able to get remediation where he needed it and move ahead more quickly in areas where he was ready to. Because we would be involved in a more “hands on” way, we would see exactly what he was and wasn’t doing without having to communicate with several busy teachers. We would also be able to see for ourselves where he was doing well and wasn’t and WHY (was he just screwing around? Did he actually understand the material?) We knew that the K12 schools would work with his IEP but were kind of thinking that maybe with the online school set up; many of those accommodations wouldn’t be needed. The particular K12 school we would be signing up with, AZ Virtual Academy, also provided all of the materials needed at no cost to us (to date, I have spent far less for this school than for his “typical” school with all of their fees, etc.). The one reservation we had about the online school was that he would be home and not at school with his peers every day. We didn’t know if the online “classrooms” and chat sessions with teachers and other students as well as field trips and other activities would provide enough regular social interaction for him. 

We checked out their program as thoroughly as we could and asked around to see if anyone had any experience with them. Several of our friends had some experience with homeschooling or online school from home – a couple with the AZVA in specific. Everyone had positive things to say and good advice about getting a routine established, staying on track, etc.  So Lee and I prayed about it and decided to give it a shot. It was NOT without anxiety, trepidation, and near panic that I filled out the registration packet and sent it in. The last step was getting the withdrawal slip from his current junior high to send in to AZ Virtual Academy. Once we had that turned in, we then had to wait for a few days until his materials from AZVA arrived so Shaun got a bit of an extended Christmas break.

A week and a half later, our materials arrived and we started his online school journey. I won’t lie, it was a little overwhelming at first being mom and learning coach and organizer and I had several nights of lying in bed, unable to sleep because I kept thinking I was forgetting to have him do something he was supposed to do. Thankfully, those nights are fewer and farther between now. We’ve managed to establish a rhythm that works well. Students are supposed to do 5 math, 5 English, 5 literature, 5 history, 3 science, 2 music, and 2 art lessons each week as well as 45 minutes of PE a day. For a while we did a little bit of everything every day and it worked okay but it was a little disjointed for Shaun. He asked if we could try one week of doing one subject each day (so all of the week’s math on one day, all of the week’s English on the next, etc.) That turned out to work out great for the most part but the English and math days turned out to be a little overwhelming. So we tweaked it until we found a good schedule. The best part was that we COULD tweak it and we COULD change it.  Not changing subjects seven times a day turned out to be easier for Shaun to stay on task. So we distributed the English and math lessons a little more evenly through the week and things have worked out quite nicely. Shaun loves being able to do his lessons in his pajamas or wrapped up in his favorite quilt. He can sit on his exercise ball and bounce to help him focus without disrupting anyone else.

Getting the school routine wasn’t the only challenge we had. It has taken us even longer to figure out a good pattern as a family (we have eaten a lot of fast, easy dinners these past several weeks).  Lee’s been an amazing trooper – managing dinner while I prepare the lessons for the next day or helping Cody practice his recorder while I make dinner after being a teacher all day. Cody has struggled on and off with jealousy of Shaun being home while he goes to school. However, as he’s started to see more of what Shaun does (he’s not just sitting at home having fun, he’s actually WORKING), he seems to have come around. He does want to try AZVA, too, in the future and we’ve told him MAYBE once he hits junior high. Cody loves to join us for the art lessons and he’s figured out that maybe being home with mom ALL DAY LONG isn’t as much fun as being able to get out and play with your friends at recess. 

Shaun has had to actively work at his social interaction which has actually been a good thing for him. He definitely doesn’t take his friends for granted like he was before and he’s been able to back off of some friendships that weren’t healthy for him. Most importantly, he is able to focus on his school stuff without the distractions of friends, but still has time with his friends outside of school time. He has relaxed CONSIDERABLY and Lee and I have remarked MANY times lately that we have our son “back.” He still has moments, but those panic attacks, mood swings, crazy defiance and aggression have pretty much disappeared. He is beginning to trust himself taking tests and doesn’t seem to get as hung up and panicked as he used to. He is starting to take show some ownership and is ENGAGED in the learning process now and it is awesome to watch. How cool is that????? We are always on the lookout for more social stuff for him to do, but for the time being, I think we have a good balance.

All in all, I think we made the right decision for Shaun. Although it’s been hard and it’s meant that I’ve lost a lot of my “me” time, I’m glad we did it. The positive changes in Shaun and the positive results, despite the increased responsibility, have been absolutely worth it. I also think it’s turned out to be a positive move for our family as a whole:  We have to work more closely together as a team which has made clear and calm communication an absolute necessity.  That alone has been an incredibly positive change. We’re still working on it, but we’re definitely farther along than we were! So not only is Shaun doing better in school and calmer, our whole family is learning to communicate in a more healthy manner AND I’ve even managed to get the hang of ALGEBRA. Definitely a miracle. 

Thank God for miracles. Right?